WHO I WAS | WHO I AM | WHO I WANT TO BE (AS A TEACHER)
PART 1: WHO I WAS
My great strength (as a person) is that, while not terribly good at anything in particular, I am pretty obsessive-compulsive and willing to dedicate obscene amounts of time to doing things exceptionally well when required. An odd example: While not particularly good-looking I was able throughout the course of my dating years to woo women through sheer effort & will-power (rather than, say, being particularly good at dating). I don’t mean this in a creepy way. I just honestly think that my niceness and enduring effort eventually won them over rather than being immediately smitten with me. This is true of my wife, even.
Additionally, despite being seen as “social” by many people, I also don’t have very much use for “socializing time” and have very few actual friends and don’t get involved in too many deep long conversations. I think sometimes maybe that I live in a world in my head. Right now, everyone is scattered across the classroom chatting and my first thought was to get to a computer and write write write.
In regards to teaching, I don’t see myself as an immediately gifted teacher. However, I am a nice guy who works hard at things, and in my first two years teaching I volunteered teaching the jazz ensemble at Burnaby Central, brought my students to perform at the Vancouver International Children’s Festival, ran choirs of 100+ kids, and even ran lunch hour chess clubs etc. Besides this, I put on concerts and ran my own classroom.
I found great satisfaction in taking on waaaay too much work, and put in the hours required at home and at school to do all the work to a pretty good standard. Was my choir the BEST CHOIR EVER? No. But kids enjoyed themselves and a LOT of people were involved. Did kids in my chess club become amazing at chess? No. But everyone enjoyed themselves and a lot of people came.
PART 2: WHO I AM
The problem is: Now I have two kids and a wife at home on mat leave looking after them. I simply can’t stay at work until 6pm on a regular basis. I don’t have the energy to get the attention of 100+ kids in a choir rehearsal after not sleeping at night. Given that this ENERGY TO GET STUFF DONE has always been my strength, I am struggling to figure out how to feel like a competent teacher when I can’t even work much from home without making a baby cry at 10:00pm. I even get dressed in the dark these days in order to not wake sleeping people (which almost backfired on me the other day! I’m glad I’ve instituted the “look in the mirror before leaving the house” rule). A similar random thought: I’ve also taken to shaving daily just to make sure I don’t look ridiculous since I never have time to check my appearance out, thus ensuring I have at least a modicum of neatness about me.
Back to the topic at hand… I suppose if there are two types of people in the world (QUALITY vs. QUANTITY), I’ve always been a Quantity person. I can’t bake ONE AMAZING ECLAIR, so I will make you 200 pretty good chocolate chip cookies. I can’t tell ONE WELL TIMED AMAZING JOKES, so I will tell you 4,000 semi-decent ones and hope for one to hit you the right way. And, as a teacher, I’ve never felt like I would win any teaching awards by producing the next Mozart, so I’ve instead focused on creating 5,000 people who have a decently happy relationship with music. I’m not sure this is a healthy approach, but it’s what I’ve done.
Time management-wise, however, this approach is problematic — because most of my time must be now devoted to my new family responsibilities.
PART 3: WHO I WANT TO BE
This brings me to the crux of my issue. I am trying to turn myself from a QUANTITY PERSON into a QUALITY PERSON. Less blurting, more thinking and speaking quality words. Less time wasted on overwhelming people with the amount of work I’ve put into something, more spending focused time to produce less (but have the less I produce be of higher value).
I’ve stopped trying to teach choirs of gigantic sizes because, quite frankly, I didn’t like it. I decided to instead focus on work I enjoy and do it well. Anyways, you’re telling us we are out of time now so I suppose I will stop writing and return to class. Thanks for bringing trail mix, on an unrelated note.